I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
