Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
