I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
