Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
