I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
