Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
