i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
