I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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