Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
