My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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