evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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