Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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