that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
