Betty ford says i'm here all night
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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