So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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