i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize