i think my mom watched the whole time
i was born a porn star she said
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
