So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
