apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
