eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
