I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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