Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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