is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
