I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
