i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
