Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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