I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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