Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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