You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
