I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
