Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize