i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
