i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The uberlube is also flammable
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
