Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
