This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
