we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize