I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
