Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
