i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize