i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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