Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
