shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Your penis caused this!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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