just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
