I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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