You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
