haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
