I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Randomize
