Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
