Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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