We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize