just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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