Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
