She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
