ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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