She is in my trunk
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
