i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
