i barfeds in our rink
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
