I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
