The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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