I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
