if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
