I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
