I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
