i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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