ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
