He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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