You just made me feel so damn special
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize