Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I didn't shave. On purpose
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
