Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
