I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
