No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
