I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
