I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
