It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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