Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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