I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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