everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
