No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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