dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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