I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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