i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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