all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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