herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
