i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
