Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
