she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
