also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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