Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
