All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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