He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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