P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
