The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
