If i come over, it means nothing
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize