Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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