so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize