I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
