Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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