I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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