why didn't you poke me back
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
