sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
