i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
