You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
