Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just want nice things and good sex
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
